You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
