oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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