i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
