honey bunches of taint.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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