I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
