your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
