he shaved USA in his pubs
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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