i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
