and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
