billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
