dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
