I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
