Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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