I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
