Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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