Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
