you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
