i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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