Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
