when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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