Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
