So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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