There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
