is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
