Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
