paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I cut my penus on the lid.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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