Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
