last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you win again, gameday.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
