Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
