I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
