sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
