he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
