i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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