I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
