why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
