1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
