Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
