woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
