evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
