I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
