Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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