I used to practice getting hit by cars.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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