Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
