how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
