he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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