Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
