More tranny stories later!
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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