I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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