Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
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