Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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