I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
