I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
