The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
