If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
