ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
