It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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