my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
