I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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